Have you ever been knocked down on your sexual and spiritual journey with naive comments and nasty name calling?! Have you ever judged another women for her body or sexuality? What emotions or thoughts does the above photo bring up for you?
Why do women shame other women? The short answer – intimidation!
I first experienced it in school when I got called a ‘slut’ by other girls for no apparent reason. (I had one boyfriend through the majority of high school). Then again when I started posting photos on Facebook of my new found love for pole dancing – my photos got absolutely bombarded with rude comments. It use to help me and deeply empower me to remind myself that girls were only mean to me out of insecurity, lack of self confidence and ultimately because a part of them wished they could be more like me. But it goes deeper than that and here is what you should know the next time another woman tries to put you down..
The majority of woman today have had their sexuality suppressed through disrupted upbringing, body shaming and cultural conditioning so much so that they have unconsciously taken on beliefs from outside sources – the media, magazines, church, school, parents, friends, boyfriends, society etc.. They haven’t chosen how they feel about their body and their sexuality they have unawarely been TOLD and manipulated how to feel about it.
I’ve had a few women message me about being shamed for using a Jade egg. If you are in touch with your sexuality, comfortable in your body and free with how you choose to express your delicious, juicy, powerful energy and most precious birth right, go you, you empowered goddess! – But be aware you are a walking contraction to every belief most woman hold around their sexuality. You are living proof they have been living a lie. They have been taught in order to be safe, loved and accepted they must disown this part of themselves. They have been taught to fear it in themselves and therefore fear when this lost part of themselves is expressed through you. This encounter will trigger their punishment and fear response protecting them from the reality of what their insecurities and beliefs have been protecting them from. This is portrayed through lashing out and nasty comments. So it’s not that these woman have a problem with you personally or with what you do, it’s that their psyche protecting them from places that their sexual and spiritual journey is just not ready to take them yet. They are not yet ready to embody or handle the absolute truth and power of their body or their sexuality.
I’ll give you an example.. Naturally I have a flirty, sensual personality. For years I was shamed because of it. I quickly learnt that in order to fit in, feel safe and not cause trouble I must hide (or at least play down) this part of myself. Then when I saw girls flirt and be sensual I would quietly shame them, reinforcing to myself that this was unacceptable and unsafe behaviour. I had been conditioned to think this was wrong not only in myself but in every other woman and it was easier for me to accept that reality than one where that behaviour was in fact acceptable. Think about it.. Have you ever been shamed for your body or sexuality? Have you ever then shamed another woman for her body or sexuality?
In a beautiful reality, women would respect all other woman regardless of how they choose to express themselves, but until we get there I hope you find peace in understanding where these nasty comments come from. As hard as it can be try and have compassion. It still doesn’t make it ok but it makes it easier to handle someone shaming you when you understand they are coming from a place of loss or hurt.
What to do if someone’s actions or image trigger you.. Any time you have an overtly emotional or irrational, negative reaction to something, you’re fearing something it’s bringing up in you. Stop and think about it before lashing out. Why is it triggering you? Have you been shamed for that same thing before? Is it over something you wish you could do/have/be?
It’s important not to shame other woman because in reality all your doing is reinforcing your own insecurities. Have a little convo with yourself and reinforce ‘it’s ok’. It’s important that as women we stand together and all support each other as shaming each other only gives permission for men to do the same. Let’s start supporting each other and making each other feel safe and welcome in our truth because women living in their truth and in their power lead the way and give other women permission to do the same. There is only one way we can rise and that is together. I challenge you – start noticing the beauty or the thinks you like in other woman – you’ll start noticing the same in yourself.
Firmly believing in what you are doing will make a difference to the type of attention you are attracting. Something I have noticed over the years is the more comfortable and confident I became with who I am, the less I would be hassled or shamed by others. When I was slut shamed, these people were only reflecting back to me the insecurities I had in myself at the time. I was young and still unsure of myself and they reflected that back to me. Now, I firmly believe and embody the fact that there is nothing wrong with being sensual, pole dancing, stripping or embracing my nude body and I receive little to no nasty comments as other people pick up on my comfortability and certainty of who I am and have no choice but to accept it.
Triggers in others are just a reflection of where you need to love and accept yourself.
Side note – To anyone that calls me a ‘slut’. Hell yeah! Thank you goddess! I deeply associate that word with empowerment and liberation. Sexual desire is normal and healthy. I most definitely enjoy and embrace it. Thanks for the compliment 😉