Let’s talk about something that’s going to make you feel super empowered, confident, sexy and desirable. I want to teach you how to initiate sex with confidence.
Do you ever find yourself fantasising all day long about how you’re going to surprise your man when he gets home by wearing sexy lingerie, pouncing on him and surprising him with the most passionate, hot, sweaty, delicious and mind-blowing sex? You get so turned on and excited by the idea of being this woman that’s absolutely going to blow his mind, but just when you’re about to initiate, you lose all confidence and the whole fantasy flops. Sound familiar?
Or maybe you do try and initiate but he doesn’t get the hint.
Talk about an anti-climax!
I’ve totally been there. I know how disappointing it is when your sexy plans fall through and how worthless and unsexy if feels when your efforts go unnoticed.
No doubt every woman craves to have this sexual confidence. It makes you feel deeply and utterly tapped into the power of being a woman, offering a sense of personal empowerment. (I mean, why should it always happen on his terms?)! It also keeps sexual desire in long term relationships alive and spicy offering a more empowering relationship dynamic with your man.
So here are my hottest tips on how you can build the confidence and the power to initiate sex in a way that’s definitely not going to go unnoticed.
Create some new empowering sexual narratives.
If you’re backing out of initiating sex it’s usually due to a sense of shame or fear that has been associated with your sexuality. If you think about all of the conditioning and limiting beliefs you picked up around sexuality and/or your body as a little girl, it’s no surprise! All of us were taught in one way or another that our bodies and sexuality are dirty, shameful, disgusting or dangerous in one way or another and you’re bringing all of this into your sex life as an adult. No wonder you’re having trouble initiating!
Maybe you were like me and loved being naked as a little girl but constantly got told to put clothes on. Maybe you got caught touching yourself and were told it was ‘dirty’. Maybe the first time you kissed a boy in school everyone teased you. There are so many examples of times in your life that you learnt to associate your sexuality with uncomfortable experiences and negative emotions. Now you’re having a hard time claiming and expressing your sexual self, because this little girl inside of you still believes that in doing so you’ll put yourself in danger. She’s in there holding you back to protect you from enduring any more shame or embarrassment.
No matter how loving your parents were or how perfect your upbringing was there is still a 99% chance that you didn’t receive satisfactory or empowering sex education or advice. Your parents no doubt would have been carrying the sexual shame that was passed on to them from their parents and school sex ed, well, talk about STI’s and unwanted pregnancy doesn’t exactly create the most empowering foundation to stem from. Now that you’re an adult it’s time for you to create your own rules and your own empowering narratives that are going to support you to thrive sexually – it’s time for you to be your own caregiver!
Think of the age where you felt most confused or received the most mixed messages around your sexuality. I invite you to find a photo of yourself at this age and have a conversation with yourself offering this young girl all of the love, advice, wisdom, encouragement, support and education she needed at this time. This will allow you to rewire your thought patterns around sexuality so you’ll no longer feel shame when it comes time to initiate. Also let this little girl know that she no longer has a place in your sex life (sex isn’t a place for a child). Take your power back. Hand over the reins over to yourself (your adult self). With a more mature part of yourself in control you’ll be able to initiation more gracefully and confidently.
You don’t have to act like a porn star!
When you compare yourself and your sex life to porn stars and worse of all if you start to believe that’s what’s expected from you, of course you’re going to feel uncomfortable initiating sex, because it’s NOT REAL! Forget what you’ve learnt from watching porn. When you try and act like someone else it feels awkward and uncomfortable because it’s not you. It’s out of alignment with you unique sexual nature. If you want initiation to flow and feel natural you need to speak from your heart. This way it comes across loving, authentic and true. It’s never going to be fake and therefore it’ll never feel awkward.
Sexuality also comes in so many other flavours that aren’t represented in porn. Give yourself permission to express your unique essence whether it be sweet, innocent, playful, surrendered, wild, primal, erotic or quirky. There is a whole smorgasbord of sexual energy to play with that porn doesn’t celebrate. The sexiest thing you can be is your authentic self. That’s why your man is with you in the first place. Expressing from your heart will allow your own unique flavour, essence and energy to come through which will drive him wild.
When you don’t feel confident in what you’re saying your throat with begin to close off and with your throat and vagina being energetically connected that’s not what you want when initiating. So cut the BS, take a deep breath into your heart, soften your throat and instead of saying or doing what you think he wants, say or do what YOU really want. Again there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants.
Never let yourself feel turned down.
One of the biggest fears when it comes to imitating sex is the fear that he’ll turn you down. It’s really important to understand that (just like you) he is entitled to his own desiresand he doesn’t always have to be in the mood. I know that seems quite obvious but it’s important to acknowledge that when he turns you down it’s all HIM and has nothing to do with you, your worthiness, deservingness, attractiveness, desirability or how much he loves you.
If you allow yourself to get upset and feel turned down when he’s not in the mood you’re reflecting all of your insecurities onto him and the situation.
One thing that I notice with many of the women that I work with is they rely on their partners interest in them to boost their confidence. This doesn’t work when you’re initiating sex because you need to be able to source a sense of power, confidence and worth independently from him to tap into your sexual essence and seductress energies to them initiate with him. You’ll only feel turned down and rejected from him if you’re depending on him to make you feel worthy because you’ve then given him the power to take it away from you.
The most powerful way to turn this around is to have a self pleasure practice that is separate from your relationship. It’s so powerful to understand that your sexual energy is something that comes from within. It offers such a deep sense of independence when you know that your greatest gift as a woman, your sexual, life force, creative power, love and desirability is something that you are, it’s yours, and you do not need to depend on anyone else to unleash it for you.
When you take back your power and have all of these needs met on your own, you can never be rejected by him because you’re whole within yourself and have all of your needs met regardless of if you wants you in that moment or not.
Are you wanting to take this a little deeper? Taking the first step to a brand new delicious reality by downloading my FREE guide “Your Transformational Guide To Feeling Utterly & Uncontrollably Desired” – http://astimaree.com/elementsofdesire/