Our sense of self-worth is deeply rooted within us, and connects to the deeper layers of our subconsciousness. It’s highly likely you may have taken on damaging beliefs from when you were a child, and still harbour them to this day without even realising it.
As children we depend so much on the love we receive. Maybe there were times where we wanted or needed it and it wasn’t there, and we believed it was our own fault. We believed that the love didn’t show up for us because we weren’t worthy of it, because as a child it’s easier to believe that narrative than believe in the possibility of our caregiver not being capable or fit to care for us. That narrative and belief can certainly still impact you to this day, and you can still be unconsciously acting out that old story in your current day behaviour. Love & desire are very much connected, so that lack of love that made you believe you were unlovable as a child, correlates and turns into the belief of not feeling desired as an adult.
You ultimately can’t have a desire if you don’t believe that you’re worthy of having that desire met.
When it comes to sexual desire, to feel wanted you must first feel worthy of being wanted. Even the ability to orgasm has a huge elements of worthiness and self-worth attached to it, because in order to experience true orgasm you need to stop caring about that other person and completely come home to your own body. When you still have the limiting belief that your level of worth needs to be acquired or needs to be proved during sex, it’s simply not going to be there for you. You need to stop caring about that other person and return your focus onto your own body, and only worry about yourself. If you don’t allow that for yourself, you’ll likely go into sex just trying to please that other person and trying to get the other person off, trying to do whatever it is that you think you need to do to make them feel happy. You might do this because deep down, that is how you believe you gain a sense of self-worth. Getting a partner off, pleasing your partner, giving to your partner, it’s all great and it works both ways – but when you’re giving it should be for the enjoyment of it, because you like seeing your partner in pleasure. You shouldn’t be doing it out of obligation to try and gain some sort of acceptance or worthiness from the other person. The more that you can look within and embody your sense of worth, the easier it’s going to be to let go of what inhibits you – and in doing that, you open yourself up to higher peaks of pleasure, higher peaks of orgasm, and might even begin a new beautiful relationship with your partner. But, if you’re still holding onto limiting beliefs surrounding your self-worth, you’re going to do inadvertently sabotage that relationship.
If you don’t feel that you’re worthy of desire and a man offers you a compliment, you will often end up rejecting it. It’s time to reframe this.
Your internal beliefs around your level of worthiness determine how you feel about yourself. They determines what you will and will not allow into your world. If you start living in that positive vibration of worthiness, living in the vibrancy, truth and embodiment of your identity as a woman who knows her work, who feels as if she is worthy – the reality is going to change. Your relationships will change even if you are already in a relationship. If you embody a new level of worthiness, your man is going to reciprocate that in the way that he treats you, in the way that he respects you.
I talk more about this building this sense of self-worth and worthiness, specifically around love and desire, in my free guide Elements of Desire. It’s one of the four central pillars in this type of work, so feel free to check out the guide HERE!
I want to give you some actual tangible embodiment tasks. I love working with embodiment practices and there are so many reasons why – it’s lots and lots of fun, but it’s also very powerful and potent, because the more that you can feel yourself becoming an upgraded version of yourself, the more it actually become your true reality. When it comes to your true identity with worthiness, the more that you feel yourself as something, the more you will accept the reality that comes alongside of it. When you believe “He’s going to go buy me flowers” and accept them lovingly without questioning it, without trying to turn them down, or telling him that he shouldn’t have because he shouldn’t need to go out of his way…
You reaffirm your position as a Queen.
I really love to work on the Queen embodiment. The Queen is a woman who is never trying to prove herself to the King, and if he doesn’t like it, the Queen walks away from that person in her power without getting upset about it. She can walk away from that situation, still believing in herself and knowing that nothing could possibly take that away from her, because she is anchored into a level of unquestionable self-worth.
The Queen doesn’t settle for anyone, because she wants someone who is going to evolve with her. She’s not going to settle for second or for less than what she deserves, which is a goddamn king. Relationships are all about learning, growing and evolving together, and a Queen knows she deserves to be with someone who can do that with her by her side.
The Queen embodiment is something you can feel inside your body. Close your eyes, see what it brings up, see what comes to light. Feel yourself as a Queen, at a level of 100% worthiness, and little by little it will start to become your reality. You really want to be feeling that energy activation on the deepest levels, because that is where it counts. That unconscious level of the body – that is where the shift takes place, and you can begin to sense what having that level of worthiness feels like.
I want you to ask yourself,
“If I was living at this level of where I was living at the Queen, is there anything in my life now that I wouldn’t be putting up with?”
“Is there anything in my life that I would change?”
“Is there anywhere in my life that I’m not showing up as a queen in?”
“Is there anywhere in my life that I am not respecting myself and my own boundaries?”
“How would my life look different if I was living in my full embodiment?”
I just want to let you know that you are worthy of being loved. You are worthy of feeling desired right now, in this present moment. It’s not a journey. It’s not something that you need to work towards. It’s not something you need to prove, something that you need to obtain. This is your current reality, your past and your future.