I feel like this is a really important conversation to have, so what I want to tap into is beginning to understand what orgasm is and redefining orgasm on our own terms. For myself, growing up I learnt about orgasm through porn and used to wonder why all these women were having these crazy, wild, hard, fast, uncontrollable orgasms that just exploded out of nowhere (you know what I’m talking about).
I eventually realized as I got older that I’d been completely missing the point. I’d never had a proper education on female pleasure or orgasm, and all the ones that I was chasing were based on the orgasms that I was watching in porn. The ones I was chasing, most of them being fake, showed women acting out orgasms based on a man’s orgasmic model with the intention to turn him on. The reality is, there is so much more available to us! I’m not saying that there is anything wrong at all with this flavour of orgasm but it’s not the only one. It’s not the one to put on a pedestal. There are so, so many different juicy, amazing, different types of orgasms, and each one is just as delicious as the other. Orgasms can show up soft and gentle, like a blissful running stream. Quick and explosive like those ones that I was talking about, like a volcano. They can be surrendered and still like a peaceful lake, or continuous waves of rippling ecstasy like soft wind flowing through the forest trees. They could be explosion after explosion like waves rolling in from the ocean. We are capable of endless varieties of pleasure, sensation and mind-altering sex.
I want to dive into what orgasm really is, what it’s definition is, and how you know if you’re experiencing one. I know that there are a lot of women out there who haven’t yet experienced orgasm, so if you are one of those women, I just want to let you know that you are not alone. If you are experiencing orgasm or you’ve experienced different types of orgasm, I want you to take a moment and just ask yourself; how do you define this? How do you define orgasm? What makes an orgasm? How do you know that you’ve had one?
If you Google ‘orgasm’, the definition says, ‘the climax of sexual excitement characterised by intensely pleasurable feeling centred in the genitals’, and after that, ‘(in men) experienced as an accompaniment to ejaculation’. Okay, that last little bit is bullshit! Men can experience orgasm without ejaculation, those are two separate things, but I want to get into female ejaculation because there hasn’t been much focus on this. Underneath the definition when using the word in an example, it says ‘she managed to experience orgasm’… something hugely important in my own sexual empowerment journey was realising the difference between having an orgasm and being orgasmic. In this instance, ‘she managed to have an orgasm or achieve orgasm’, the focus is on possessing or obtaining something rather than on the embodiment of being orgasmic. When it’s no longer something that happens to you and becomes something that is you, the experience is completely incomparable.
