Pain during sex is a common symptom of endometriosis. Penetration and other movements related to intercourse can pull and stretch endometrial tissue, particularly if it has grown behind the vagina or lower uterus.
Here are 5 tips to support you having the delicious types of orgasmic experiences you deserve.
Boundaries – A key support of feminine orgasm and pleasure is the element of safety. You must feel safe in your body, safe in your surroundings and safe with you partner so it is essential that your partner is on the same page as you when it comes to your needs, fears, turn-offs, turn-ons and desires. Open communication is key! Although may be easier to start this conversation in a neutral place outside the bedroom, it is a good idea for you and your partner to foster an environment of understanding and communication about forms of sex that are pleasurable and free of pain.
Breathe.. You probably hold onto a lot of fear around sex and the pain it can cause. When you’re feeling fearful you naturally begin breathing shallow breaths (or holding your breath all together) and body naturally tenses as a protection mechanism. This puts your body until stress and stress is a trigger for flares! So breathe deep, long breaths and this will signal to your body and your mind to relax. It will also allow your vagina to relax open to receive instead of making it angrier!!!
Connection – The reason most women struggle to feel pleasure during sex is they have become disconnected from their bodies. I see this a lot with women with Endo because they often become angry at their bodies for turning on them, and as a result, they turn on (and disassociate from) their bodies. When you’ve experienced a lot of pain during sex, what can happen is you disconnect from your body as a means of disconnecting from the pain but in that process, you end up disconnected from your innate sense of pleasure. A great practice to come back into your body is to sit comfortably and focus all of your awareness in your pelvic area. Every time a thought pops into your mind, simply let it go and bring your awareness back into your pelvis. Focus on any sensations you’re feeling from moment to moment and any emotions that arise with them.
New narratives – Endometriosis or not, most women hold this narrative that sex = penis in vagina penetration. And often we find ourselves guilty saying no to penetration because that’s what our partner wants, but it’s a woman’s world now, so it’s about time we start creating some new narratives. Sex is whatever turns YOU on, gives YOU pleasure and makes YOU feel sexy. So on days where you’re body is screaming out ‘no’ to penetration, don’t deny yourself of pleasure altogether, just find a way around it. Kissing, touching, massage, oral, dry humping.. Whatever gets your pussy purring! In my opinion, the appetizer is often more satisfying than the main course, if you know what I mean 😉
Use a natural lube or oil – Vaginal dryness can also cause a lot of pain. Some means of addressing endometriosis, such as hormonal treatments or a hysterectomy (surgical removal of the uterus), can cause dryness. There is nothing wrong with using good old fashioned lube. My fav is coconut oil or jojoba, but you’ll want to use a water-based lubricant if you’re using a condom.
If you enjoyed reading this blog then I’m sure you will enjoy my new book Pleasure Codes: 33 Ways To Enhance And Heighten Your Orgasmic Potential. It’ll be out soon.