Do you wish you were having more delicious sexual experiences? You want to want sex, but when the time comes and your partner initiates you’re ‘just not in the mood’ and end up turning down the thing you wish you wanted. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. This is the same story I hear from many of my clients.
Here are some tips for you.
So why are you wanting to want sex and not really wanting it???
You’re not turned on!! Like at all.
Feminine sexual energy is like water. Once it’s ’turned-on’ to a boiling point it will stay warm for days, even weeks after the experience. If your sexual energy hasn’t been turned on for a while it’ll eventually become stagnant and freeze meaning it takes a lot more work to get in the mood. You may have noticed that the more you have sex, the more you want it, right? And when you don’t have it for a while, well, the desire to have it fades. You’re just left with the wanting to want it.. The wanting to have the desire.
You want your sexual energy to be at a constant simmer (or at least lukewarm temperature). Or in other words you always want to be just slightly turned-on. This means that when your partner does initiate it won’t take so much to meet them on their level. It’s not all about sex either, living a turned-on life will also boost your mood, your productivity and your creative juices.
I’m sure your partner wants to take you on the trip of a lifetime, but it’s up to you to keep the engine warm. So start the engine and begin a regular self-pleasure practice.
Rethink sexual desire and arousal.
The narrative that you currently hold around sex probably looks something like this – first comes arousal, then desire and then initiation of sex/ the act of sex itself (of course followed by orgasm). This is a male model of sexual desire and I want you to throw it in the rubbish bin.
The thing is, more often than not women find they become aroused AFTER sex has been initiated. They may also have a strong desire to have sex BEFORE feeling a sense of arousal. Because the majority of women are basing their experiences off this linear male model of arousal they are claiming to ‘not be in the mood’ simply because they aren’t aroused and are turning down sex before they ever get a chance to get turned on.
My tip: If you’re not feeling a strong yes or a strong no, lean in! Give yourself a chance to get turned on. Also, if you find it difficult to get turned on, don’t make sex about orgasm. It doesn’t need to be highly erotic. Make sex about love or connection. Use it to meet other needs or longing desires.
Design a life that gets your pussy purring.
If you’re not feeling turned-on chances are it’s because you aren’t living a life that turns you on.
For women, sex starts waaaaay before the physical act of sex itself. Some say that foreplay begins at the end of the last session and I couldn’t agree more! There is a big difference between your partner out of nowhere deciding they want sex and making a move on you and your partner flirting with you all day, sexting at lunch, sending flowers, complimenting you, taking you out for dinner and then kissing you, slowly teasing you and then initiating sex.
This is all very dreamy, however it’s your own responsibility to keep your pussy purring and to create a life that turns you on.
If you know you’re going on a date one night, you have plans with your partner or you know you want to have sex one night, plan your day around it. Seduce yourself ALL DAY LONG! Flirt with life.
There are two parts to this. Firstly, you want to think of things that turn you OFF and stop doing them (if you can) and secondly, think of things that turn you ON and do more of them. For example, sitting at a desk typing all day or having to do housework turns me off so if I have to do those things one day when I know I may potentially be having sex that night I’ll get it over and done with and do something that turns me on afterwards like walk in nature, swim in the ocean or dance.
Join me in this upcoming live master class – Orgasmic Living and create a